Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
Randomize
