Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
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