Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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