My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Randomize
