giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
How's work?
Spinning.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
as a side note pls kill me
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Randomize
