That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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