non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
