Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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