I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Randomize
