When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Randomize
