this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
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