I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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