he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
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