I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
