omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
