just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
Randomize
