Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
