i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Randomize
