I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
Randomize
