So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
not ubering you a puppy
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Randomize
