what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
We were destined to go to rehab together
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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