did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
Randomize
