We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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