i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Randomize
