I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
Fuck appropriateness.
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
