whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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