fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Randomize