We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
Maybe he injected his testicle?
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
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