She said her name was "party"
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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