Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
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