i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Randomize
