why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Randomize
