There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Randomize