Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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