I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
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