Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
