Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
