just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Randomize
