Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
