Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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