god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
I have grass duct taped all over my body
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
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