i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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