On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
The best walk of shames are on the highway
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