So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
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