He is such a slut. More and more my type.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
Use "feeling words"
Yay
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Randomize
