I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
Randomize