look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
I need a burrito and a hug.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
