Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize
