Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
