i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
Princesses don't give blow jobs
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
