He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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