The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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