I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize