Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize
