Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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