alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize