Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize