Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
You had me at "let me see your balls"
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
