The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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