Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Randomize
