Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
you will always have a special place in my vag
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
