i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
