I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Randomize
