I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
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