I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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