the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
Randomize
