I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
You work out of a Hotel?
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
No subtext here. People are naked.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
