Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
