1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
There's even glitter on my cock...
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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