jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
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