guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
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