Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
you traded sex for a burrito?
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
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